The Epoch of Child Sexual Assault
By Kindra Backman Celani
The age of innocence.
The stages of childhood.
The season of swimming.
The past determination.
The hour before the storm.
The time before the events.
The months of grooming.
The moment he took my innocence, while I slept.
The duration of sexual abuse and threats that no one would believe a stupid little girl.
The occasions I tried to hide.
The tours of self-invited sleepovers at any friends house.
The stints of babysitting I offered for free.
The nights I pleaded with my sister to sleep in her bed.
The minute of freezing.
The hour of body-mind confusion.
The years of dissociation.
...
The minute of freezing.
The hour of body-mind confusion.
The years of dissociation.
...
The minute of freezing.
The hour of body-mind confusion.
The years of dissociation.
The appointments for recurring urinary tract infections
The scheduled medical procedure revictimization by urethral penetration
The rhythm of abuse events to infection recurrence unrecognized
The episodes of back pain, kidney pain, chronic “unexplained” illness.
The day I told.
The second I was not believed and continued questioning myself, my sanity
The pace of slowly lifting mothers denial.
The week he packed up and stole moms car.
The spell of revealing the abuse to church leaders.
The term of religious excommunication without criminal consequences, efforts at rehabilitation, or alerting public.
The eternal manipulation by church leaders to protect the abuser and shame the victim into silence.
The date that I was raped and blamed.
The extent to which I was shamed.
The events of rape I never reported.
The bits I believed I was a worthless slut and a stupid little girl.
The decades I remained silent.
The bouts of anxiety and self blame when thinking about his other victims.
The era of religious revictimization with the guise of (restorative justice) salvation of unrepentant souls.
The continuance of sins and coverups of church atrocities.
The tides of overwhelming corruption.
The second denial of events and memories by family to protect the church and their own belief.
The lifetime of trauma counseling, dysfunctional relationships, overly protective parenting, crippling fear of abandonment, suicidal ideation, and loss of self worth.
The expiration of the statute of limitations.
The span of consequence for the abuser.
The chronology of subsequent victims who could have been prevented.
The infinite suffering of the survivor with no hope for true justice.
The instance of PTSD triggered by work abusers.
The shifts of overwhelming hypervigilence when refused requested help or accommodations.
The intervals of panic like crashing waves.
The juncture of understanding HR protects the employer and abusers from their victims.
The point of intuition to fiercely and unapologetically advocate for myself.
The present wisdom to maintain perspective.
The space of return to safety.
The generations affected by selfish sexual perversion.
The future is uncertain.
The clock on statute of limitations change is inevitably ticking.
The allotted time for criminal and civil conviction of perpetrators is changing.
The tempo is accelerating for survivors to break their silence and abusers to face the music.
The turn of belief is shifting to favor survivors and away from abusers.
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